So then there are the days when things fall into place. I believe I may be an odd one, (yes, I know I am finally admitting to what everyone already knows) but truly today made me see some of it. Most people seem to need focus and quiet in order to be productive and make things happen. For me I have always known I work best when multi-tasking, and today was no different. Dan was sick with some awful fever, so I made food, tea, drew baths, etc. all the while ordering a new laptop, connecting with a client, updating my website, working with a freelance programmer, talking to AT&T, walking the dog, and swinging by Warren Miller Entertainment to pick up some files and say hello to people. Whew! How is it I can't do this in the quiet of other days in my life? It's not that I want Dan to be sick in bed all day, but for some reason it sparked some motivation in me in other ways...I don't get it. My theory is that my mind gets too distracted if it is too still everywhere. Some days I need a lot going on in order to have a lot going on. I know I have been the other way before, focused, quiet, but for some reason the one that works the best is the busy meets productive approach.

Over the years (all 27 in fact), I have been slowly building up a wall against all the things that scare me. When I was younger I didn't think about the million potential outcomes, or disasters that could happen from any given situation. I would just do whatever I felt like I needed to do, be it a homework assignment, or throwing a tantrum. Now I think too much, and with that I notice I will avoid situations in my life as soon as it sparks a fear or discomfort. Currently it is all coming up around money. I have all the capabilities in the world to make money, yet for years I have been struggling. I have refused to look at my finances until recently, and crazier yet, I see how I want to sabotage myself into making more money. Just today I was talking to a client that was wanting to spend less than the estimate I gave him. This immediately sparked avoidance and panic in me. Sounds ridiculous, right? Well I sat with it, and at my desk with it (on this fabulous chair I might ad, the Soul Seat. A chair I am borrowing that is a prototype that I will explain in a later post). So after sitting with this fear an inner panic over nothing, I simply wrote back and explained what could be done, modified or cut out in order to meet his budget as well as my needs. Bingo! I get a response back saying its a go, and a check will be in the mail soon. So what was I so scared of?

There is an innate connection to money and my self worth. There is a connection to not feeling I can ask what I need and actually get it. If I ask I will be rejected is what my head tells me. There hasn't been the realization that there are other options, compromises and ways of changing things to make it work for everyone.

Movin', changin', and shakin' every day :)

Tomorrow: Dog walk with Tim Ferris' book, The Four Hour Work Week. Insights to come.